Image found at: http://madamenoire.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/black-church-mother-daughter-praying.jpg
Last night I took out the majority of my daughter’s cornrows (remember, the nightmare African Braiding Salon we visited?). Today, I’m trying out a new stylist who comes highly recommended (thanks Stephanie!). I am hoping that we have a much better experience this time around; I’ll be sure to share!
While removing the cornrows from my daughter’s hair I was transported back to the many floors, rugs and pillows I sat on as a little girl while my Mom braided or unbraided my hair. I was a bit overwhelmed by the fact that I am now someone’s Momma doing her hair (isn’t it weird how those moments happen every now and then?!). As I brushed through my daughter’s hair, I felt a surge of love for her. I want her to understand that her hair is part of who she is but is not her essence. I want her to see how bright, beautiful and loving she is. I tried to be gentle as I coaxed out tangles and knots. Have to get better at that. Sometimes I still revert back to the thought that she’s “just tender-headed”. But, I know I just need to be more tender-hearted. I am praying that our weekly / bi-weekly hair rituals will bond us over the coming years. Gasp! There may come a time when my daughter doesn’t want her old-fashioned Momma anywhere near her hair. Wow. I am grateful for our time together.
Image found at: http://cdn.wblk.com/files/2011/01/black_mother_daughter3.jpg
In an earlier post (http://tropie7189.blogspot.com/2011/06/mothers-why-do-we-care-how-our.html) I pondered why we mothers (and some fathers) care so much about our daughter’s hair. I reflected on how my daughter’s hair impacts her identity as well as my own. Yesterday, I washed my daughter’s hair and we had some time to talk. My daughter is quick as a whip and absolutely has no problem telling me how much she hates to get her hair done. But, as soon as I remind her that she likes her hair to look nice she acquiesces and lets me lather, rinse, lather, rinse, (no towel blot…leads to frizz), apply leave in conditioner (Kinky Curly Knot Today), section, comb, two-strand twist (Kinky Curly Gel) hand place her under the hooded dryer for a few minute to remove excess water, then conclude with a fair amount of essential oils. Whew, now it’s time for bed (for both of us!).
Guess what? We managed to have fun doing it. We watched a bit of TV and when it was time for her to sit under the dryer, I lay down next to her so that I could rub her back and keep her company. She soaked it all in and gave me the most precious smile. I love the fact that our hair ritual is becoming a bonding ritual.
Plus, when I untwisted her hair this morning and put it into an afro-puff her hair was moisturized, detangled and gorgeous! She loved it and I was so grateful that we’d spent time together. I love Kinky Curly products and they can be purchased at http://kinky-curly.com/shop.php. By the way, I am in no way affiliated with Kinky Curly just love the products!
Image found at: Image found at: http://www.hairliberty.org/black-hair-care/articles/assets_c/2010/11/mother-daughter-hair-orig-thumb-350×232-173.jpg
Feeling much better after getting the Bad Mother of the Year Award yesterday (http://tropie7189.blogspot.com/2011/06/bad-mother-of-year-award.html). I also reflected a bit on why my daughter’s hair is relevant to my role as a mother. Mothers are supposed to be nurturing, caring people who make sure that their children are neat, clean and loved. Hmm, I guess sending my child out of the house with a jacked up hairstyle violates all of that, no? So, I’m a better Momma if my daughter’s hair is perfectly coifed? Wow, I’m not even talking about my son. There must be something unique about the mother-daughter relationship. More on that later.
I think I feel better about myself when my daughter’s hair is done because I’m presenting my daughter to the world in a way where she is at her “prettiest”. Ugh, that doesn’t sound good. Why am I so concerned about what others think? This is reminding me of how I felt at work trying to keep my naps under control (http://tropie7189.blogspot.com/2011/05/unbound.html). Am I doing the same thing with my child? Do I think that if her hair looks poofy she’ll be rejected by those around her? What do you all think?