Hair As Identity Menu


Natural Hair a Dating No-No? Maybe if you want to date the Old Spice Man

Oh no, please don’t tell me Isaiah Mustafa (of Old Spice and now Charlie’s Angels fame) has messed up! Apparently, Mr. Mustafah stated that the woman he ends up with must have “good hair”…I guess to offset what he referred to as his own “slightly nappy” hair ( Seriously!? Mr. Mustafa did apologize on Twitter but I think that what may be hardest to swallow is that he revealed what many of us think Black men believe: that our hair in its natural state is not good enough; that a man may sleep with us if we have kinky, natural hair but that such a mane might take us out of the running for marriage. I am grateful to be happily married to a man who has fervently stated that he loves me no matter what and only wants me and my hair to be healthy (that took relaxers out of the mix because I kept getting “bald patches” in the back left. So not cute when he would run his fingers through my hair…umm, scalp in some spots!). For those out there seeking Mr. Right, do you feel that natural hair is a hindrance on the dating scene? Would you relax your hair if a serious boyfriend asked you to do so?

P.S.: I watched Charlie’s Angels ( on Hulu because I plan to blog about the beauty images (i.e., did you know that one of the new Angels, Annie Ngosi Ilonzeh a Nigerian-American who plays Kate Prince on the new run of Charlie’s Angels, rocks a curly fro? Hmmm, in one scene the Angels dive into a body of water and I really, really wanted to see how they were going to show her hair after that. Okay, yes, I am WAY attentive to details!). Mr. Mustafa plays Kate Prince’s ex-fiancé and I must say that he was a decent actor and quite easy on the eyes.

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  • J-Squared

    Funny story… On my first date with my fiancé, I made sure to wear my hair in its natural state. Up until that time, he had only seen me with my hair straighten. So on our first date, I wanted to just cut to the chase and know whether or not he was going to accept me the real me or the illusion of me. Needless, to say, he really loved my hair (at least that's what he told me) and appreciated my willingness to be who I am.On another note, I have spoken with several AA men and they seem to have a problem with women that wear a TWA. One conversation:HIM: I don't like women that go natural and have the nerve to wear an afro without an edge up.ME: So if they had an edge up would it be better?HIM: No, they just shouldn't wear an afro in generalGenerally, my conversations with AA men revolve around being natural as having an afro. And sometimes I wonder, if the problem is not so much the afro but the perception that afros are less feminine because it is a shorter form of hair than the longer form that is traditionally accepted. In addition, I believe afros make AAs uncomfortable with themselves and their sexuality (my honest opinion.. lol!), specifically, I think they think "how can my woman have the same hairstyle as me, what does that say about me?" or "how can my woman and I go to the same barber (a "salon" that has been traditionally been man only). So, I guess the real issue, is that men want their women to look like their perception of a "woman" and anything outside that makes them feel uncomfortable about their sexuality.

  • topie

    Sorry for the delay. I handed back mid-terms and I've had back-to-back meetings. You are so wise!!! I think it's essential that we embrace and OWN our authentic selves, especially with our loved ones. No, I change that, with EVERYONE! In part, this pressure to conform is pernicious because we buy into it ourselves. If we took a step out onto that branch of liberation we might find that others would join us. Rather than the added weight weakening the branch we'd find out that it wasn't a branch after all but a platform of free thinking on which many, many others could join us. I still don't quite know how to interpret the reactions of AA men. I've had several men say I LOVE your hair. However, I have doubt about their sincerity, especially once they say, "but naw, my girl couldn't wear that". WHAT!!!!? You hit the nail on the head about sexuality. I mean I looked in the mirror and thought that I resembled a dude. That might mess with a man's head. I am still thinking through this one. Anyway, thanks so much for your readership and your comments. I can always count on you to share insightful thoughts!

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